Month: August 2014

Day 4- Restorative

After a full day of yoga I thought I might find the perfect inspiration to write on for todays topic, but it is still the same as this morning. It’s a simple list. Most of the things on the simple list are simple themselves. I think I find simpleness restorative as well 🙂 

 

Here is my list:

Books (almost any genre)

Beds (I LOVE to be in bed)

Sleep (I also LOVE to sleep and I am good at it)

The smell of summer

Sunshine

Talking with friends over coffee/tea/food

Talking with friends on the grass, in the sunshine

Netflix dates with my husband

The first snowfall

Anything my mom makes for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks/dessert 

Savasana

Tea (coffee is my energy, tea is my calm)

Popcorn

Tea tree oil

And hugs. Hugs win, always.

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Day 3 – Homemade

 

I automatically think of my mother when I hear the word “homemade”. Everything from our slippers and blankets to our bread and ice cream were always made with my mothers hands. As a child I expected my mother to take care of me and thus never gave a thought to the amount of work she put into that caring. Now, as an adult I can’t even imagine the time she gave and efforts she made for us. I do not have any children (nor a job at the moment) and I could not imagine making my husband slippers. I dream about trying to make almond milk, but the perfect hipster jug I bought for that endeavor still sits empty on my counter taunting me.

Homemade is a nostalgic word for me. I may never be as good at creating it as my mother was/is. Or maybe I just haven’t hit that stage yet. Who knows.

What I do know is that I would like to make a home. Living in a new apartment every year for the past 6 years, and assuming this year will be no different, makes it difficult to create a homelike environment. Why try when I will be packing up in less than 365 days? I have definitely moved numerous times before I have even finished unpacking from the last move. But, I can’t help and wonder if this attitude is keeping from creating a home in the moment. Even if it is temporary. So what if I move? Throw caution to the wind and pick up that piece of art work which would go fabulous above the couch! Even though we have talked about not taking the couch with us to the next place. Let’s stop thinking about the next place. I have a hard time with that. I am a dreamer always waiting for the next thing. But, maybe I need to be home now. Maybe I need to learn to make a home anywhere, and maybe right now in my little kitchen I need to find the comfort of home and let that be enough.

 

Today Homemade is a brave word for me.

Day 2 – Daily Rituals

My daily ritual starts and begins with black coffee. Nothing happens until I have taken the first sip of bitter darkness. But, once this comforting friend of coffee is over my day is up in the air. Don’t get me wrong, I love to plan. If I could wake up every morning and have color coded to-do lists sitting on the counter ready to go, well I would be on cloud nine. But, I have spent too many years beating myself up on the many days that there are no color coded lists to check off every morning. So, coffee it is. My constant friend, whom is always with me and definitely lets me know if I miss out.

Yet, I have always imagined the idea of rituals as a passage into adulthood. When I finally listen to the news every morning, exercise for at least 30 minutes daily, take 5 minutes to breathe in peace and quiet and have a tight cleaning schedule so the laundry never builds up. I do desire this ritual, but also believe I have plenty of time to achieve it. My daily life is far from scheduled at the moment. Sometimes I am not so okay with that, but other days when surprises come my way and I can easily change my plans I am so thankful that I can put my textbook down and know it will always be there when I get back.

So yes, I will start and finish with coffee for now. Hopefully the rest will learn to fall in and out of my life as needed – I trust that they will.

What the Discroll?

As many people already know the Driscoll news is hitting the fan these days. I can barely open Facebook without seeing one more scandal uncovered, one more blog about the “cult” he has created, or simply just a bunch rants about the horrible person he is. Seriously what the **** is going on?

 Honestly, I secretly love it. Recently I have been starting my mornings with hot black coffee, a comfy couch, and my laptop ready to dive into the news which usually involves all the Driscoll bashing, admittedly turning my attention away from much more important news (Though I do believe this is a major issue in the modern North American Church).

And this is what I have been thinking each morning – Finally all my beliefs about him are being justified! When the news came out that Acts 29 asked him to leave and that his books were being dropped I sighed a relief. Maybe the North American church has brains after all.

 And then there is my husband. My kind and loving gracious husband. Who kicks me off my high horse by simply saying “do you think we should pray for him instead of hate him?”

“WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY??? Pray for HIM??!” is my response.

I will not and I will now be mad at my husband for even suggesting I do such a horrible thing.

But, like usual, when I am being hot headed and in the midst of anger, my peaceful husband is correct. 

 Where do I begin? How to I pray for a man and I church that I fully believe is not only leading people astray, but also hurting God’s own children? How do I believe that God can work through this mess? How can I believe God would WANT to work through this mess? I figured God was on my side here. Plus aren’t there more important things I could be praying for. (All things are important Danielle – Gahh I hate that voice).

Okay then. Well, first I probably need to actually get off of that high horse and realize I am prone to sin just as much as anyone. As I sit down to think about how in the world to pray for this situation (without fire burning anger) I begin to see a picture of what I would like to believe has happened and what will happen. I am not sure if it God’s will, or even if it is the correct way for things to unfold. For now, it at least calms me out of my “DOWN WITH DISCROLL RAGE” and allows me to focus on the glory and mystery of the Lord. 

So this is what I WANT to believe and what I pray is true about the situation.

I want to believe that Mr. Discroll truly loves God and loves people. I want to believe that he started with a vision that could change the world for the better. I want to believe that like anyone else he got caught up in his human nature of sin and forgot the bigger picture and began to see himself as God – writing the rules, rather than as a servant of the gracious Most High. I want to believe he will see this error and repent. Really repent. To feel the weight of his sin and come to God in agony. To not be able to sleep at night because he knows he has wronged the Lord and His people. I want him to repent to his team, his church, his country and the world and I want to believe he means it. I want him to be freed of his sin and shame. Then I want him to leave. I want him to acknowledge that sin does have consequences and that he must be prepared for them. I want him and his team to leave and let another group lead the church in healing. I want him to live for a while in his consequences reflecting on the impact of his sin. I want him to always have regret for what happened so that he never does it again. I want him to heal. To fully feel God’s forgiveness and grace on his life. For him to discover the passion and love for Christ that began his journey. And I want to believe he will use that vision once again – to reach people, to help heal people. I want to believe his story can be of good, that through his experience all of us who have attempted to be God will learn the lessons of what happens when we try. I want him to hold his family in his arms and teach them the right way to go and warn them of the path he took. I want to believe that everyone he hurt will heal and find it in their hearts to forgive him as well. I want to believe that he will feel their forgiveness. I want to believe that his life has purpose.

And when my selfish prayer of beliefs is over I will pray this:

Father,

Lord of mercy and of grace show me how to love those who are my enemies. Help me recognize I to become an enemy at times. Show me how my own rage may blind me to the good that my enemies have in them. Help me be humble to know that I am not the judge here.

I pray that my selfish prayer be answered, if it is not your will I pray that your will, far greater than mine, be done. That your healing hand be used for all involved. I pray your love would shine through this dark hour. That those who need to forgive would remember the forgiveness you have shown us. That those who need to be forgiven would be humble enough to ask. Lord, through all of this I pray you would somehow be glorified, because though man may fail us you will not.

Immanuel, be with us.

*I recognize my opinion of Mr. Discroll is not be accepted by all. I by no means ask you to feel the same as I do. This is simply an expression of my beliefs and I hope it helps someone else feel less in alone in their anger at the situation. 

Day 1 – Meet Danielle

shelle photo

I am not sure if it is funny or sad, maybe both, that when I start to think about how I will introduce myself my “flaws” are what first comes to mind. But, since this is my thoughts, here we go.

I am often confused with my own emotions, angry at something, addicted to netflix instead of studying, OCD about so many things. One month into marriage and already a nagging wife, terrified I am too lazy to accomplish my dreams, my thunder thighs. And the list goes on and on.

My positive qualities come later. Much later. I have to sit and think on them. Why do people like me? I have a incredible husband and amazing friends, so there must be something that I offer.

Here are the things I like about myself. I am generous, I could give and give all day – maybe too much but I wouldn’t trade this quality for anything. I have heard I am a good at listening. I don’t often see this myself, but others seem to. I know I like to listen to other people’s stories. It makes me feel less alone. So maybe I am a selfish listening, but I think that is okay. (I am alone in that I feel I need to justify the things I like about myself?)

I like my nose. I know that is vein, but I really do. It’s adorable and perfectly shaped. I am flexible. Very flexible. I was born that way and thank my mother for it, especially when I am yoga with my spine bent in half. I am passionate about so much. I used to see this as a fault because I could never figure what to do with my life. I still haven’t, but being passionate is good for now. I am good at loving my husband. I can see his needs and respect his boundaries – most of the time.

That is a lot of things about me. It probably creates an incredibly confusing image. But, like I said – I am often confused.

As I write this I am beginning to think that I am probably none of these things in full. Rather I am somewhere in the middle. Journeying along. Some days I have good days and some days not so much. Beating myself up on the bad days won’t do much for me, but killing myself to try and only have good days probably won’t get me far either. There is strange balance between letting it be (letting go) and working hard. I want big dreams, crazy goals, and I want to be okay re-watching Buffy episodes when I can’t concrete on school or meditation.

I am a person in the middle. Trying to be okay with being the middle.

I am Danielle.