Tomorrow is going to mark 30 days of sobriety. And, though I have mentioned it to a few friends and family, today is my official announcement of sobriety.
I realize to many this may come as a bit a of shock and I should probably clarify I am not an alcoholic nor do I think I have ever had a problem with drinking – if we are describing problem as drinking too often or for the wrong reasons. In fact except for a stint or two in the past I have never been much of a drinker. A glass or two a week of good wine always seemed to quench my thirst. Usually. I think overindulgence is sometimes called for.
But, all of this aside I have decided to give up alcohol completely, for a year to start though I imagine it being more of a life long commitment. I have been trying to muster up my courage for a year now and with the help of some beautiful souls I have finally got there.
If you would entertain my ramblings though, I would like the chance to explain. I have been so nervous to tell anyone and have put it off for so long, because frankly I was scared of what you would all think. I am a people pleaser and I shouldn’t be, also I need to trust you all enough to know you wouldn’t judge me. I am sorry for my little faith. I also desperately didn’t want to be different – a lesson I am still learning.
Here it is, my journey to sobriety:
First of all, I love alcohol (an appropriate amount of course). I love the taste of red wine and chocolate, of summer spritzers and fresh fruit, of good tequila and tacos, and gluten free beer whenever I can find it. I also love the community of alcohol. From beer and bible studies, wine and cheese nights, a celebratory shot for babies born and marriages announced. I think responsible drinking serves as a great community builder. I also appreciate the courage a glass of wine gives me to speak my mind or to take a chance I was to chicken to take an hour before (It has brought on some of my favourite stories to tell).
On the other hand alcohol and I have had our tensions over the years. Most evident in the last couple years. These past few years have been laden with emotional growth and self-awareness that I am so thankful for, but in this process I have discovered I am an extremely sensitive person (I know, most of you could have told me that ten years ago). This new revelation (for me) has caused me to really evaluate and pay attention to my emotional moods and my physiological responses. And about a year ago now I realized I have both extremely high emotional and physiological responses to alcohol. This led to an experiment of types, amounts, occasions, diets around my alcohol consumption, and doctors appointments, to try and find ways in which I am not affected. In the end all roads led to the following conclusion:
any alcohol consumption is part of drastic mood changes which last for hours up to days, stomach aches I can’t shake with ginger tea and a series of head aches and body aches.
For me the positives of alcohol just were not outweighing the negatives anymore, so now begins my journey of sobriety. And this is what I need to ask of you, my friends. Please still invite to wine and cheese nights (heck suggest I host them!), take me to your favourite bar, have margaritas with me on the beach and never be scared to bring wine over for dinner (my husband loves a good glass of wine and will be very thankful), come over for end of the week drinks (we are usually stocked), and lastly please enjoy every minute of it with me.
I want alcohol to be a good and healthy part of anyone’s life who it is good for. I just have to face the reality it is not good for me. And that is okay. At least is becoming okay.
Thank you all so much for your love and friendship. I am so glad I could post this on thanksgiving weekend. I treasure you all.
Cheers to journeys and friends and doing life together.